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| How To Create A Folk Song - Jokes and Funny Stuff - General - ezFolk Forums | |||||||||||||||
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banjo brad Super Moderator 
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How To Create A Folk Song • All folksongs begin with the phrase: ''I asked my love to take a walk' • The walk should be: o Down by the riverside o Past the prison o Into the valley o Over the sea and far away. It should NOT be: o To the store for a loaf of bread o To Wallmart o Along the Champs-Elysee, Park Avenue, or Pennsylvania Avenue o On rollerblades. • The conversation along the way should be about: o Your racehorse o The perfidious British o The revelation that you are her/his longlost brother/husband/blacksmith/Lord o The inevitable baby o Murder • Places to be mentioned include: o Botany Bay o The Mountains of ... A Land called Honalee Carrickfergus The valley The fair o All of the above in reverse order, Botany Bay always coming last. • All folk songs repeat the same words in each verse, but move them around until one person is killed or the ghost appears. If the ghost appears, it repeats the original verses and the process begins all over again. This is known as revenge. • The chorus of all folk songs is half of the words of the verse moved around some more, and with the addition of some poignant nonsense syllables, all in a minor key. No new information is provided. • References to work in folk songs should include: o Hammers (visionary or steam) o Railroad trains, preferably on the same track hurtling towards each other o Lots of whales o Sowing, reaping, harvesting, babies dropped in furrows, etc. o Job categories allowed in folk songs include: Circus work Lighthouse keeping Mourning Gypsying (especially kidnapping) Blowing up British buildings. o References to work in folk songs should avoid the following job categories: Insurance Work for any government agency except prisons Re-insurance • Words that can be sprinkled at random over folk songs: o gather, o farewell, o thee, o dead, o twa, o alas, o true love, o bonnie, dagger, o do Lord. and so on.... These apply mostly to ballads: • True loves are always either: o Missing (gone for seven years) o Dead (see Necrophilia element) o In disguise o Your brother/sister (either known or unknown) o False (off chasing/married to another) If it's a happy ending, it's a very rare folksong... • If your true love is dead, you must: o Long to kiss his/her dead lips or other portions of the anatomy (The Tradition of Necrophilia) o Never love again o Have done her in yourself after spending all night diggin' of her grave o Have done him in yourself because he done you wrong • If you are a sailor, and you meet a fair young lady, you will: o Wind up with no money and no clothes, wearing a dress (the Transvestite Element) o Get laid after pulling her string o Acquire a painful and unpleasant social disease o Get shot after she dresses in men's clothing and finds you've been false (see Transvestite Element) • If you are a young lady, and you meet a sailor, you will: o Turn him down because he's dirty o Turn him down because you don't recognize him o Change your mind when you find out he's got money o Change your mind after experiencing his sexual prowess o Dress up in man's clothing (the Transvestite Element, yet again) • And LOTS of metaphors!! Refering to various actions, body parts, etc., should be as circumspect as possible. Birds,flowers,alcoholic beverages,(blud red wine, etc)... may be freely substituted for lips, breasts etc. And for Male Parts...anything is ok as long as it is longer than it is wide. • Women who are NOT active heroines in the song may be given away as prizes to men who achieve some goal...such as killing villians, saving ships, etc. • You are a bona fide folk singer if: o you have nine different guitar capos, including a semi-automatic flipoff o our first name is one syllable long, or at most is two syllables that end in a vowel, e.g. Doc, Pete, Woody, Joan, Judy o you learned the song on a porch, preferably one with a sofa with the insides sprung out o you refuse to make an anatomical pun about “The Londonderry Air” o you have ''This X fights Y'' inscribed somewhere on your instrument, e.g.''this E string fights sexism''. o you have a dog named after a color. You are not a bona fide folk singer if: o you play the Hammond Organ o your first name is Brittany (unless you are a boy) o your last name is Rockefeller or Windsor o you learned the song from your chauffeur or housekeeper, unless her name is Elizabeth Cotton o you have a sticker on your guitar that reads: “Baby On Board” o you have a cat (whether it comes back or not) or goldfish (see Entry under whales). You can have a horse as long as you race it in England or France.
____________________ ezFolk Help Brad Prickly Pear Music Banjo Brad's ezFolk page TOTMC |
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Preston Approved 
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Brad, what a great post. It's so true. I can tell we both remember well the folk revival of the 50's and 60's.
____________________ My EzFolk Page: http://ezfolk.com/audio/bands/1072 |
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Philj200 Approved 
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Brad said it all. Except what happens when you sing a country song backwards: You get out of prison. You wife returns. And your dog comes back to life. Last edited on Mon Jun 18th, 2007 06:13 pm by Philj200 ____________________ My MP3 Section: http://ezfolk.com/audio/bands/1143/ My Myspace area: http://myspace.com/philj200 |
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Vortek Approved 
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The perfidious British?
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banjo brad Super Moderator
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PhilJ said: " Except what happens when you sing a country song backwards: You get out of prison. You wife returns. And your dog comes back to life." Yeah, well, it is about "folk" songs, not CW!  (A whole other discussion in itself!) Vortek asked: "The perfidious British?" Sure, after all, I am a 'merican  All in good fun, I hope! Brad
____________________ ezFolk Help Brad Prickly Pear Music Banjo Brad's ezFolk page TOTMC |
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viking Approved 
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Appendix to Rules ( English Folk Songs supplementry information ) 1) all vowel sound should be extremely soft and go on for ever OOOOOOOOOH AAAAAAAAAH 2) the vowel sound "ey" should appear at the end af as many lines as possible Creating endless possibilteeeey For rhyming any word with any other wordeey 3) any love interest should be entirely inappropriate by reason of -: age station race creed income gender species 4) any reference to the country should be arcadian in nature and conversely any reference to cities should be industrial. "My flat in the country "is a no, no. As is "I met her in the park by the swings"! 5) The whole of England, The United Kingdom, its colonies and estates, are a death trap! Where at any moment you may be crushed, hung, shot, run through, stoned( in both the historical and modern sense), stabbed, catch a pox or ague or a case of pluriseeeeey. 6) English folk characters should, by there nature, be attracted to Highway robbers, wild boars, pealers and other law enforcement agencies, scorned women, enraged fathers, hags, the military, ghosts goblins and unquite spirits. 7) THE SEA !!! The letters S O S should be boldley tatooed on the forehead of any English folk character within 70 miles of the sea ( Note - there is no place in these Isles more than 70 miles from the sea). The odds of survival should a character set sail from Jolly Blighty are so infinitisimal that Lying on the bottom of the sea-eeeeey Is more than likeleeeeeey 8) English folk charecters do not die ( it only feels that way ) they join the ranks of the undead, not by fire or water or earth shall be they diminished. But like my lamb chops If they go to join the naveeeeeey They'll find a watery graveeeeeey HEAR YOU SOON MARK  Last edited on Fri Jun 22nd, 2007 03:38 pm by viking ____________________ Hear You Soon MARK |
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| ezFolk Forums > General > Jokes and Funny Stuff > How To Create A Folk Song | |
