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| New song lyrics- please comment - Co-Op Songs - ezFolk Audio Hosting - ezFolk Forums | |||||||||||||||
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ShadyHarrison Approved 
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Hello, all! What follows is the lyric of my new song (it will be a song, once I put music to it) comments and criticism appreciated- as help with the tune would also be. An old blues man Sits on the porch step Strumming chords on his blunt ol’ axe Singing songs of the cowboys, the west and the trail worn hacks Chorus: In his heart he longs for the old times The days when he was simple and free When he wasn’t tied down to roaming round town And the best way to be was to be But those days are here no longer The modern world answers his call The noise of the big city traffic And he wonders what became of it all Chorus His free and simple existence Unhindered by progress of man Vanishes into the distance As future puts paid to his plans Chorus Thanks in advance for your comments. Shady
____________________ "If I'm going to see the light, maybe I will be alright, for now I'm headin' down that centre line" Mike McLaren. http://ezfolk.com/audio/Shady my ezfolk audio site- Yahoo! |
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trev Approved 
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looks cool to me...... maybe was'nt tied dow to working round town, just a suggestion...but i like it, hope to hear a tune to it.
____________________ http://ezfolk.com/audio/Trev |
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theBlackman Approved 
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ShadyHarrison wrote: Hello, all! the west, and the trail worn hacks Sorry. I like the thought and the direction. I offer the changes to the first verse. Compared to the others and the chorus, as it stood it did not scan. For what it's worth I offer some tweaks on the others for the same reason. Keep up the good work. I like your style and enjoy your music much. Dusty the pain in the arse critic.  Last edited on Fri Feb 9th, 2007 07:33 am by theBlackman ____________________ Let each day start as a blank page for life to write upon. http://ezfolk.com/audio/dusty http://cdbaby.com/all/theblackman http://youtube.com/DustinFLeer |
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devah Approved
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When you write a song with lyrics like this is has to be obvious that it is sincere, meaning it an expression of who you really are. The ring of truth I hear in these lyrics tells me that you have hit honesty square in the heart. You have revealed yourself. Lots of people try to write songs like this but they just sound hokey and trite. They were using a tried and true form to sell albums. This is from the depths of your soul and is perfect. The musical composition will be very important. Make sure it reflects your honesty as well. Devah
____________________ ezFolk MP3 Section: http://www.ezfolk.com/audio/devah |
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holleyhall Approved 
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Hi Shady, It think you lyrics look good and the suggestions work well too. This is one area I am very weak in. My problem is I have a ton of music I have written not not yet posted but no lyrics. Devah has great advice too which I agree with. look forward to hearing the finished product!  Holley
____________________ http://ezfolk.com/audio/holleyhall |
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ShadyHarrison Approved
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Thanks, Dusty and all! I will take those amendments on board, and hopefully get a tune to it soon. (I have been somewhat distracted by events which have taken me away from songwriting.) Shady
____________________ "If I'm going to see the light, maybe I will be alright, for now I'm headin' down that centre line" Mike McLaren. http://ezfolk.com/audio/Shady my ezfolk audio site- Yahoo! |
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gerry mcgandy Approved 
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ShadyHarrison wrote: (I have been somewhat distracted by events which have taken me away from songwriting.) So much music, so little time. What bout E A B7? I have been discussing the fusion of Blues and Irish and country with James Connolly. I have taking the liberty of trying to do it. There is more than a passing nod to Goodnight Irene in the verses. If you're interested I'll email it to you.
____________________ Gerry McGandy http://mp3mart.net http://ezfolk.com/audio/bands/556/ |
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Mike McLaren Approved
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Hey Shady. You got a title for this? I like the song. It feels like it will be a slow melody... might work with some slide. My Code: Strike Out New Words Great Stuff An old blues man Sits on the porch step Strumming chords on his blunt ol’ axe an old guitar Singing songs of the cowboys, the west and the trail worn hacks Chorus In his heart he longs for the old times The days when he was simple and free When he wasn’t tied down to roaming round town And the best way to be was to be But those days are here no longer The modern world answers his call He calls for "Old Times", not for the modern world The noise of the big city traffic scratch, hiss, drone, thunder, roar... something more energetic than "noise" And he wonders what became of it all Chorus His free and simple existence Unhindered by progress of man Unhindered is a really big word Vanishes into the distance As future puts paid to his plans life Chorus 
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ShadyHarrison Approved
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Well, Mike. It goes under the moniker "The Best Way To Be"- and to hear one person's interpretation of it, go to my ezfolk page, where I have Gerry McGandy's vocal and guitar version uploaded. If you like that, check out Gerry's live version.  Thanks for the compliments. Shady
____________________ "If I'm going to see the light, maybe I will be alright, for now I'm headin' down that centre line" Mike McLaren. http://ezfolk.com/audio/Shady my ezfolk audio site- Yahoo! |
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viking Approved 
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Hi Shady I 'm always slightly reticent of commenting on other peoples work, in case they should take any criticism as other than constructive, which I assure you is my only agenda in replying to your post. I think you have a good draft idea for a song with this lyric, although, there are a few odd passages as pointed out by some previous comments, where you may need to sit down and rework the details. I can,t quite square an old blues man playing cowboy songs, perhaps the 3rd person character needs amending ( an old plains man ) ( an old wrangler ) The word axe to describe a guitar seems out of place with the values of the rest of the song, although I like the idea of a blunt axe meaning a worn out guitar But still the word axe sits a little uneasily in the theme for my ears. The problem of loosing the word is that you would need to change the rhyme at the end of line 4 "hacks" but I,m sure a little thought would result in a solution for this. "tied down to roaming" seems to be an oxymoron. Perhaps "tied down to living in town" is more logical. I once again hope you find these points constructive and not feel put out by my comments. As to music, I feel a 3 chord 12 bar doesn't;t do your lyrics or the sentiment of the song justice "Sorry Gerry" This lyric has a very Taylor'esque quality to it. ( There is a young cowboy, Who lives on the range") That was written waltz time 3/4 a good favorite of cowboy songs as it allows a slow dance at the ball. May I suggest something in D running down through C# Bm Am resolving on G. This structure opens up a much wider chord palette including Em F#m maybe the chorus changing to Amaj with Dm7 Em. This is the sort of chord structure that James Taylor, Jim Croce, Gordon Lightfoot, Leonard Cohen,Carly Simon, to name but a few use a lot . It gives songs a more lyrical feel than a 12 bar. I hope you'll see what you can come up with. Lastly let me reiterate. I think your onto something with your new song and it is improving each time you go back to it so stick at it and I look forward to hearing its next incarnation. HEAR YOU SOON MARK
____________________ Hear You Soon MARK |
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New2Uke Approved
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I'm new here, so forgive my arrogance and stupidity. BUT, when I read your lyrics the first few lines creep'd me out. I know an "axe" could be a bass, or guitar or anything with a handle...but "Old man" "porch" and "axe" brought forth some odd kind of Kentucky horror movie idea...and it kind of made me freeze and I couldn't get past the rest of the words. What if you removed the "axe" jargon and instead just said something like: Taking the "axe" and the "cowboys" out of it make sit more...well lycrical to me...and seems to invoke some kind of travelling minstrel idea. And I don't think you need to describe the "axe"...who cares if it's got 6, 4, 2 or 1 strings (might be hard to make a chord of 1 string though)...'strumming' says enough I think. Anyone familiar with stringed instruments knows that it's an "axe" of some sort. Keep it up! Last edited on Sun Aug 12th, 2007 03:45 am by New2Uke |
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| ezFolk Forums > ezFolk Audio Hosting > Co-Op Songs > New song lyrics- please comment | |
